Was ist denn passiert
Denke ich immer an dich
Alles sind vorbei, sagte ich
Aber warum erinnere ich dich noch
Nur dieses Mal, schatz, werde ich keine Lügerin sein
Hast du an mich gedenkt?
Wenn Liebe ist da, ich mag nicht die Andere
Aber wenn sie nicht da ist, noch ich dich mag
Bitte, vergiβ mich nicht
" Mengapa engkau mempertahankan mati-matian hidupmu yang begitu singkat dan penuh penderitaan? Apa artinya perjuanganmu itu? "
Orang yang tidak tahu mesti menjawab apa atas pertanyaan ini akan menyerah, tapi orang yang berusaha mencari makna hidupnya, dan merasa Tuhan telah bertindak tidak adil padanya, akan menantang takdirnya sendiri dengan berani. Pada saat itulah api dari langit akan turun menyambarnya - tapi bukan api yang membunuh, melainkan api yang meruntuhkan tembok-tembok lama dan menyingkapkan kepada setiap manusia potensi-potensinya yang sejati. Orang-orang pengecut tidak pernah berani membiarkan hati mereka dibakar api ini; mereka tidak ingin ada perubahan, mereka ingin segala sesuatunya tetap sama, sehingga mereka bisa terus hidup seperti biasa dan berpikir dalam pola yang biasanya juga. Sementara itu, orang-orang pemberani membakar segala yang sudah lama dan meninggalkan segala-galanya - meski harus membayar mahal dengan menanggung penderitaan batin - termasuk Tuhan, dan meneruskan langkah ke depan.
Dan di atas sana, Tuhan pun tersenyum puas, sebab inilah yang Dia kehendaki; Dia ingin setiap orang memikul sendiri tanggung jawab atas hidupnya. Sebab dalam analisis akhir nanti, bukankah Dia telah memberikan anugerah terbesar kepada anak-anakNya : kemampuan untuk memilih dan menentukan tindakan-tindakan mereka.
Lalu orang-orang itu meninggalkannya. Elia tidak punya tenaga untuk berdiri. Setelah pulih dari rasa malunya, ada yang berubah dalam dirinya. Tidak ada lagi keinginan untuk mati atau tetap hidup. Tidak ada yang diinginkannya; tidak ada cinta, tidak ada rasa benci; tidak ada keyakinan.
If a patient with Schizophrenic were to be cloned, would the copied cell express the same trait?
The answer is maybe not. the developmental of the illness depends on nature, and nurture. if the cloned one to be kept in an environment in which have no stress at all, the trait may not be shown.
But why would you clone a Schizophrenia patient? they cannot be cured, physicians can only reduce the symptoms. all these time experiments show that this is a true fact indeed, but still insearch of a better medication. although, there are some who say that from 100 patients with Schizophrenia, 30 pts will completely healed, 30 pts will have a remission on medication, and 40 pts will never be cured.
Schizophrenia cases are somewhat seasonal. In 4 season countries, it shows increased rate in winter or around November or December. In Indonesia has never been properly documented however, sadly.
dont even to think to start up anykind of fight while ure behind the wheel. or sit next to somebody who has a temper, who can suddenly take over the wheel while you’re steering. today you’re safe, tomorrow you might end up dead.
kemarin malam, well sebetulnya dari siang juga, g kejebak di kemacetan yang menyebalkan. yah di jakarta emang sih gak pernah gak macet, tapi ini beda! due to non-stop-gede baget-raining dari siang, jakarta banjir! and g memilih waktu yg salah buat hanging out with d girls dari daerah barat itu….( see ladies, rumah kalian sucks lokasinya!!! 
). Keluar dari rumah aja udah susah payah, karena musti ambil mobil di tempat lain dulu, which males banget jalannyaaa ujan-ujan gituuu.
WEll anyway, i got myself on the road finally, menerjang hujan, on my way to the meeting place, saying to myself, this is gonna be a longg day.. cuma 2 kilo dari rumah, i was already stucked di jalan yang seharusnya gak macet. then worst part is ketika ngambil TOl Jakarta-Merak untuk ke kebon jeruk, di pinggir tol air udah menggenang….then banyak SUVs yang musti didorong. OK, lucky i didnt take jalan pinggir tol itu, coz turned out motor pun udah kelelep sampe tempat duduknya itu loh. gila. dag dig dug juga nih, i was on my own, if something should happen, misalnya kelelep juga, what i should do??? tapi ntah kenapa, hari itu i was like having nothing to worry about. so i said, OK jo, if ure ever got into any trouble, there WILL be a way.
di tengah kemacetan gila itu mobil-mobil udah pada berebut ambil jalan masing-masing, udah gak peduli sisi yang mana yang seharusnya dikasih jalan duluan. including me. all i can think was, sebaiknya cepet-cepet sampe sebelum banjirnya tambah deket. mungkin g saat itu nyeruduknya agak-agak maksa ya, atau motor itu yang nyebelin???? ya somebody menggebuk my back bumper real hard. i sighed. grumping. mengatur napas pelan-pelan…gedein volume radio…dengerin lagu. IF it was not raining, i probly udah keluar dari mobil deketin whoever that was yg gebuk mobil g. untungnya ujan gede.
LATER THAT NIGHT, dari meeting place, di kejauhan g liat itu tol yang tadi siang g lewatin, macet total. FREE WAY, tapi macet 
yeah, mayb banjirnya emang separah itu. g bikin janji sama 3 orang, 2 gak bisa dateng dari pulang kantor. kantor mereka lokasinya di karawaci dan BSD, which musti lewat TOL itu untuk sampai ke jakarta lagi. As malam udah semakin larut, i decided to go home instead, prepared. i have enough fuel to hold on and already went to the bathroom before i go ( hehehe…udah sering g kualat gak pergi dulu ke toilet sebelom long journey, akhir2nya selalu sial kena macet n had to menahan pipis ). g gak melihat sih berapa kilometer itu dari pintu tol ke exit yang harus g ambil. tapi kira-kira sih gak lebih dari 10 kilo. on 80km/hrs speed, angka biasanya di jalan tol, should reach the exit in 10 minutes top. i took the free way untuk menghindari banjir di pinggir tol. TAPI i was stucked kira2 1 jam di jalan itu, udah ngantuk mah, dingin…(serba salah, mo matiin AC buka jendela, all i inhale is CO dari kepulan asap truk-truk besar di kiri kanan depan belakang), n nervous also! i forgot to bring along kunci rumah…..hahahahahah…udah telpon rumah sih bilang nyokap tolong tungguin, tapi kan gak enak juga bikin susah orang tua. its past 11 pm, they should be in bed already.
at one point, ketika g lagi bengong-bengong, and i know lokasi g udah gak jauh dari exit tol, i looked to right. kok mobil-mobil di sisi kanan lancar ya? my exit ada di sebelah kiri. sambil menyemburui mobil-mobil itu, i keep bengong-bengong, determine untuk menunggu…dan menunggu….dan menunggu….30 minutes berlalu. udah gak tahan tambah ngantuk, mo ambil jalur kanan aja deh, belok ke Slipi, daerah yang gak begitu tau, tapi bisa lah cari jalan pulang, lagipula jalanan masih ramai, gak terlalu bahaya juga.
TURNED OUT YA! ketika ambil jalur kanan, it leads to an empty road. dan GILAnya, it was the road i was supposed to take. karena ada perubahan jalan segala macem di perempatan besar itu, jadi semua ngaco. now i know. geez. i feel plong seketika.hahahahahahaha.dari spion keliatan semua truk besar and a million cars kali, masih nunggu giliran belok kiri….fiuhh…it felt like… 
i just smiled along the way home.
ketika lewat dari macet itu, i was thinking. this is the feeling ive lost beberapa waktu ini. segala kepusingan itu, the courage and willing finally to take a chance on somthing risky, and the smiling face. i love hectic situation. thats the exact situation i should be in. pumping out adrenaline through the bloodstream, and u feel ur heartbeat’s increasing. love it
and my love life, or whatever, really doesnt concern me much again. i did write in my previous post that i like this one guy, but yeah, im not gonna tell him. im just gonna stand, maybe sometimes ahead, sometimes behind, or sometimes right next to, but im just gonna be there for him, whether he realize that. i dont care.
ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country. the same thing goes for me.
ask not what others can do for you, ask what you can do for others. I WILL do whatever i can do. and its not for some acceptance, coz who are you people to judge me? its for myself. this life i am living on, i will live it heartly, passionly, and not to carefully. coz life is about taking chances and walking through risks.
oh i feel great today!
the sun is always out there to shine, but it doesnt always burn.
grosse Angst, das hab’ ich nicht mehr!
http://www.crush007.com/love.cgi?id=1121326355wew
i never thought ada psychology-reading yang setepat ini….
i need to write down something, im not sure what is it, but i can not just sit still today.
my mind have been swirling here and there, about this one thing.
i can not breathe well, my lungs might be affected by this.
i tried to do some running in open air, thought it could help but it didnt.
this whole thing started off since i dont know when. quite some time, though.
picture me, driving a car, heading to the mountains. wild, untamed mountain, not the one like some sort of picnic area.
its impossible to get there, right? i realized this fact a few times ago, and i tried to change direction.
and still somehow, i am lost. i believe that my road still leads to the mountains, somewhere i am really scared to head now.
this is about you.
you who i could not be standing next to.
i do not know how your feelings toward me, and i dont intend to know.
i am too scared.
as i walked beside you, i felt great secure.
you might not concern this, but i felt like home.
today, yesterday, and the days long before, i cannot keep my minds off you.
tried to run, pretending there was absolutely nothing, but i couldnt.
i just want to go home, where you at.
i want to feel free.
i heard somewhere that love should be freeing. its about letting go.
i want to breathe well again, and stop imagining things.
i ran to the beach, but the waves reminded me of your struggle through life.
i ran to the mountain, but the winds reminded me of how gentle you
have been treating me.
i ran to a crowded town, but it reminds me of how lonely i am without you.
been running from this feeling for so long
telling my heart i didnt need it
pretending i was better off alone
but i know its just a lie
so afraid of what i feel inside
but i need to be next to you
i can not bear the thought of you’re not there …….Leigh Nash-Need To Be Next To You
maybe surrounded by a million people, i feel so alone
i wanna go home
i been keeping all d letters that i wrote to you
i would send them but i know thats just not enough
my word was cold and flat and u deserve more than that…….Michael Buble-Home
the more I think, the more I tumble
I feel like leaving, as strong as I feel like living
Tiba2 teringat rumus persamaan 1+1=0. maybe I’ll just have to stand
away, or everything will backfire on me.
Ich habe grosse Angst von dir.
Was soll Ich machen dann
Viele Sehnsucht auf dich,
Soll ich hier bleiben oder sehen wir aufwieder?
Gott gib mir dein Stark
1. Sarapan kamu biasanya apa?
biasanya gak ada sarapan…as selalu in a rush sedari bangun tidur sampe keluar pagar rumah.
2. Dalam sehari, pasti makan buah gak ?
gak, not very fond of fruits, kecuali klo emang lagi pengen baru nyari
3. Chinese food / Western ?
chinese deh, western too oily n greasy yah.
4. Makanan daerah yg paling kamu suka ?
waw! ermmm…daerah padang, daerah menado, daerah batak, daerah jawa, daerah sunda, daerah bali.pengen banget nyoba masakan daerah papua, hopefully soon! restorannya dah ada di kelapa gading hohohoho.
5. Cemilan yang paling kamu suka ?
erm dont like nyemil2
6. Suka mie instant ?
yes, occasionally, ketika udah mepet gak ada makanan, atau emang lagi ngidam…masaknya plus telor plus cabe rawit. waaaww!
7. Kalo steak, suka apa ?
t-bone or lamb chop.well done or medium, biasanya datengnya rada medium seh, keburu2 kali mereka servingnya.
8. Restoran favorite kamu ?
di jkt : abuba steak, kwetiau sapi kelapa gading, along di pecenongan, warung sop buntut di menteng kecil, pecel lele depan sarinah, siomay depan my old SMP, preferabbly smua yg kios2 pinggir jalan
di bdg : hoah! smua restoran deh, penuh neh postnya klo omongin yg ini. ask me personally if u really wanna know 
9. Masakan rumah favorite kamu ?
ayam jahe, sayur asem, bakut kuah. nyam2
10. Masakan favorite bikinan kamu sendiri ?
masakan sendiri mah selalu favorit dong, gak enak juga masih tetep dimakan, sayang lagian haha.
11. Paling kuat banyak makan apa ?
apa yaaaaaa….makan makanan yg enak! gak tau, ga pernah inget2 plg banyak makan apaan. seringkali pula menjadi tempat sampah org2 yg gak kuat makan seh.
12. Suka minum2an beralkohol ?
ya ya ^^ klo ada duit buat belinya mah.
13. Soft drinks apa yg paling kamu suka ?
got to be pepsi cola
14. Minuman yg paling kamu suka ?
es teh tawar!
15. Pernah hangover krn minuman ?
blom pernah, pusing2 sih udah. cuman pikirnya gara2 blom makan malahan.
16. Sama pacar/orang2 deket kamu, suka makan
apa ?
anything! anywhere!
17. Alergi makanan tertentu ?
yes. seafood, tapi occasionally aja. klo gak fresh atao i feel like my body lagi gak OK staminanya, ya jangan makan. pasti bentol2 afterwards, for like weeks. ouch.
18. Sekarang ini .. lagi pengen makan apa ?
i cant think of anything. had mie ayam BIG portion after jogging puter2 monas this afternoon. BAD idea.
19. Beneran pgn makan itu??
apa nih, lagi gak pengen makan apa2 kok, kecuali minum es teh tawar..
20. Es krim or milk shake?
ah, tough choice. dont like anything sweets actually. tapi jarang2 boleh juga lah, baskin robbins punya ice cream!
21. Cadbury or toblerone??
none.
22. Krupuk apa Kripik?
none. gak guna bgt makan beginian?
23. Sayur asem ato bayem??
sayur asem definetly!!! yg versi betawi tapi ye, kagak yg sunda, kagak juga yg jawa. manis2 bikin eneg!
24. Gado2 apa Karedok??
karedok
25. Susu ato Kopii??
kopi deh, masih ada pait2nya mengalahkan manis.
26. Cheese or Chicken Burger??
cheese.
27. Tempe or Tahu???
both!!
28. Chicken steak or beef steak?
beef, bagian t-bone hohohoho ^^
29. Mie Ayam ato Baso?
aaaaaaaaaa not mie ayam lagi!!!
30. Ayam goreng suharti ato KFC?
suharti, itu ada kremes2nya bikin enak hehehe…jauhi ayam broiler!!!
31. Puding coklat apa stroberi?
puding coklat hoka2 bento’s d best!
32. Telor dadar apa Ceplok??
klo males ngocok telornya, jadilah ceplok. tinggal tambah kecap toh? klo lagi kreatip tambah2 garem sama bawang merah, jadi telor dadar. flexibel lah.
33. Steak or Pizza?
erghhh…cant choose!
34. Indomie rebus ato gorenk?
rebus rebus
35. Blackforest or Tiramisu??
aiyah…tiramisu deh.
36. Beng2 or Top?
beng2
37. Lontonk or lemper??
lemper ayam di kantin poliklinik anak lantai 2!
38. Donat or Brownies??
yuck.
39. Rendang ato Semur??
yuck.
40. Dada ayam ato sayap ayam?
sayapp
41. Martabak keju apa Coklat?
setengah2 bikinnya kan bisa tuh.
42. Susu Coklat ato putih ?
coklat
43. daging bebek or ayam?
huhuhuhu…..tough. 22nya enak. bebek agak alot tapi ya. should try bebek di cihampelas tapi! enak loh!!
44. lemon tart or chocolate mouse?
none
45.sate ayam atau sate kambing?
kambing deh
46. ikan bakar or ayam bakar?
ikan bakar
47. Lakpoki or bibimbap?
ini apa?? korean food kah???
im about to turn 23 this year. menjelang hari H nya, theres this line i keep rewinding each and every year…what have i achived to this very age? have my existence crossed anyone’s path? was it in a good way, or in a bad way? did i mean anything?
then i asked this same question, ‘ what is it about acceptance, jo? why do you care so much? ‘
and to this very day, i have no idea why. or truthfully refuse to hear myself answer the question?
me and my dreams, my faith, my point of living.
what is my point of living, exactly? is this something normal to ask, or is it just me freaking out? im feeling abnormal. i think too much n do less action. this is the ugliest part of me. i dont like it either, believe me. y dont try to change?
i tried not to care to others, to what they think and to what they do. failed. it seemed that i live for them, not for me. unquestionable, i felt a tremendous pleasure after doing ‘the work’. its that happy feeling i craved. to make other people satisfied and keep their hands clean. its like, OK, IM ON IT! loh, arent u still on something else? yes, but I’LL HANDLE IT!
non-logic doing. unbelievebly done. im tired.
i tend to keep my profile low, yet in somewhat position which people put respect on me and keep in their mind that im this super girl who can do almost anything they ask me to. i was digging my own fucking hole. and now, im terjembab in it.
yea what can i do? more n less, i should get on the surface as soon as i could. i dont expect any hands reached out for me. uh oh, me n my pride. ego.
they who know me, will understand what ive written in this page. only a few, though. would u reach out your hands?
