Die Schläge

im about to turn 23 this year. menjelang hari H nya, theres this line i keep rewinding each and every year…what have i achived to this very age? have my existence crossed anyone’s path? was it in a good way, or in a bad way? did i mean anything?

then i asked this same question, ‘ what is it about acceptance, jo? why do you care so much? ‘

and to this very day, i have no idea why. or truthfully refuse to hear myself answer the question?

me and my dreams, my faith, my point of living.

what is my point of living, exactly? is this something normal to ask, or is it just me freaking out? im feeling abnormal. i think too much n do less action. this is the ugliest part of me. i dont like it either, believe me. y dont try to change?

i tried not to care to others, to what they think and to what they do. failed. it seemed that i live for them, not for me. unquestionable, i felt a tremendous pleasure after doing ‘the work’. its that happy feeling i craved. to make other people satisfied and keep their hands clean. its like, OK, IM ON IT! loh, arent u still on something else? yes, but I’LL HANDLE IT!

non-logic doing. unbelievebly done. im tired.

i tend to keep my profile low, yet in somewhat position which people put respect on me and keep in their mind that im this super girl who can do almost anything they ask me to. i was digging my own fucking hole. and now, im terjembab in it.

yea what can i do? more n less, i should get on the surface as soon as i could. i dont expect any hands reached out for me. uh oh, me n my pride. ego.

they who know me, will understand what ive written in this page. only a few, though. would u reach out your hands?

This entry was posted on Sunday, July 10th, 2005 at 12:02 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.