Die Schläge

I got up at 7 today, another lazy day between my 3 weeks off. I went to sleep sobbing and got up with a pair of raccoon eyes. Brushed my teeth, washed my face, and soon I was off to the jogging track. The track was full of the elementary kids on their gym class. I don’t know what the tracks are made of, but its red, and when lots of people running by, you actually can inhale the dusts. It’s not healthy, but it’s the best track there is. In the afternoon they spray water onto to minimalize the dusts. I only did 5 laps before I ran out of breath. I don’t feel better. I’m still alone. And heartbroken. I don’t know how my look this morning, but I notice some people were staring while they’re running. What the? I don’t like to be stared at! Spent 15 minutes on one of the benches there, then I went home. To a house where senseless people live. And one poor but stupid cat, left by the owner for 2 weeks to Europe. I am not touching it no matter how poor it is. Period. Oh im just feeling very low right now… with no place to run…there’s no beach in Bandung of course, the nearest would be Pangandaran, that’s 4 hours away driving. And somewhere around Tasikmalaya was hit by earthquake last night, so that area is still dangerous….

I surrender. Im gonna sob my sadness away…

My dad is building his bussiness kingdom, and he wants his children to follow his path….which sounds ridiculous to me. Since i was a kid, somehow, i dont like being in the middle of any of it. I once believed that i do, but now that im on my own way, i thank God. Here is some reasons why :

1. The bussiness is located in Jakarta…now, anyone who knows me, know that I dislike the city. Having a home in the city doesnt make me feel like home at all…thats why i chose to study outside the city. I dont like the traffic, i dont like the harsh people. What i like is living in a small, un-hectic town. Recently i went home to Jakarta, and it took only about half a day for me to get on my nerve, and kept thinking "oh im going away from here tomorrow!!!!" But then, i need to bond with my family as much as i could, so…here i am…stuck at home..

2. His so-called Kingdom, someday, will be inherited… Perhaps us ( the children ) would only be supervisors. But it WILL somehow, makes us stay at home, which i know exactly that isnt what me n my brothers had planned. No no, no staying at home. As for me, im hiding behind my study, and prefer not to show any good intention for the bussiness. As for my older brother who finished his study, he’s in a dilema. Between continuing his study, or go to remote area and help people, or to run the bussiness….poor him.

3. I dont like the way he handles his bussiness. Him and my mom actually. Its been 14+ years…and ive seen no changes. Sure the money keeps flowing and everything, but they are tiring themselves up. I dont know about being a Manager, but i know they suck at it. Its been a family bussiness. I keep telling them how would they improve if they keep handling everything by their own hands alone….

I’ll be graduating soon, have plans to do things OUTSIDE Jakarta ( no intentions on going back home really ), and my dad is holding me back, i can feel it. What you think i should do?